Today is my birthday. As a tradition, I like to take this day to be one of reflection. In many ways, this is my New Year’s (the author is aware that this comes across somewhat self-centered).
For the first time, I am writing publicly about it. It feels fitting, considering the explosion of my public life this year. There are more of you than ever that know some notion of me without ever exchanging words. Well, let’s blend the private and public even more shall we! Below follows my recollection of the year, warts and all, should you be interested.
Without mincing words, this year (the real one) started at rock bottom. After a rough breakup near the end of 2024 and a few months away from everything I know and love for work, I somehow found myself completely alone on New Year’s Eve. I chose to just call it off early and peacefully slept at 9 PM. I was pretty bummed about it, but part of me suspected that the only way from there was up.
Following this, somewhat unintentionally, I spent the following months in a reclusive state, deep within my own head. Some of you may know that I live in Canada, and at that time it was particularly snowy, dark and cold. My days consisted of:
Safe to say that very little happened, at least externally. This time was very important to me, however, and I already look back on these days fondly. I found a lot of intrinsic meaning to life, particularly in my work. Actually, I like to think of my craft. The things we do that make us whole. The things it feels we were born to do. The things that feel just right doing.
Interestingly, upon reflection, I find that this mundane and boring routine was the product of extreme freedom. There was very little expected of me for those months: my academics were naturally interesting to me so I wasn’t worried about doing them, and I had no attachments or obligations to any people or entities. In this state of supreme freedom, I found exactly what was natural for me to do, what I could do effortlessly.
To quote Kid Rock:
Splashing through the sandbar, talking by the campfire,
It’s the simple things in life like when and where…
Miraculously, I found myself in a position of extreme comfort heading into the Summer. A series of coincidences and connections landed me a very exciting opportunity in the field of quantitative finance, something I was fiending for. Something I could sharpen my teeth on. To my own surprise, I was very fit for the role.
I accomodated to the flow of work extremely fast and found myself more productive than ever. I’m pretty proud of what I accomplished in those 4 months, and with so much time to spare too. I worked somewhat regular hours (for a quant firm, anyway) and I used that extra time to relax and ponder; there were many spontaneous beach visits, drinks with friends and the sporadic software project, when my appetite was right. So much time does get a man thinking though…
Some of you may know me to be a big NBA fan. I played some basketball in high school and due to my tall, lanky frame and preference for jumpshots, I found myself drawn to Kevin Durant. At the time, he played for the Oklahoma City Thunder and given my lack of attachment to any other team, they became my basketball home. There have been many ups and downs with the franchise since then, but last year, I got to see them win their first championship. Games we play for fun, that’s all sports are. Yet, seeing a team I have little to do with lift a trophy that meant “we won more” brought me to tears. I was so proud. To reach the pinnacle of a craft is something so beautiful. This, of course, has nothing to do with anything else.
Near the end of the summer, some opportunities started flowing in. Some doors that I had forgotten about were opening. Despite having everything on my plate, no concerns whatsoever, I chose to dream again.
I have lived a full year in the past 4 months. After completely botching the opportunity of my dreams to kick off September, when I thought the Age of Dreams was over once more, I got bombarded with unexpected opportunities. All the effort I had put in my search, my goals, was completely tossed aside by things that were completely out of my field of view.
It was all very interesting. Suddenly I found myself with too many things going on. The complete opposite of how the year started out.
I became aware of a problem I really wanted to solve, and the opportunity to work on its solution. Not just that, to be part of the creation of said solution. Working on this has completely filled my days. Not one goes by where I have a minute to be bored. Of course, I am exhausted, completely spent. Yet, everything is happening and we keep moving forwared. Somewhat contradicting all the effort exerted, this is the effortless pace, the pursuit of craft.
This is not without its downsides. It’s been hard to stay in touch with the people close to me, everyday is tiring, and the future is uncertain. However, it does feel purposeful, and I’m very grateful for that.
If you’ve read this far I sincerely thank you, my dear reader. I hope this was an enjoyable read and, more importantly, I hope you got to know me a little bit better. I’d love to know you more too, so feel free to reach out, to the best of your ability. I’ve been enjoying meeting so many of you over the past few months and plan to do that much more in the coming year.
See you all next time.